Eriol And The Wrath Of A PMS Suffering Wife
by Sweet-Innocence
Summary: After a confrontation with his hormonal wife, Eriol is stripped of his dignity all in one morning...
1. Chapter One: The Morning

It's that time again isn't it?

Or better known as: 'Eriol and the wrath of a PMS suffering wife'

**Authoress:** Sorry =D This is just me going insanely high ^^ Yup Yup! Fear the wrath of my odd and twisted humourless humour @_@ ! [?]

Dedicated to** KyteAura**! ^_____^ 

I know that it was an update that you requested, but I sort of have writer's block for LNHAE right now -_- so I wrote this fic for you instead! [Not sure if you'll like it though...]

Happy birthday!

* * *

**Written in Eriol's POV - Corner Store**

My eyes nearly burst out of their sockets, as I stared at the endless rows of... 

pads.

Thin?

Regular?

... Wings? Pads have wings? I could feel my eyes bulging to their limit.

... They can fly??

I could just tell that the other customers in the corner shop were keeping a watchful eye on me. Just what were they staring at? Can't a guy go out normally and buy pads for his wife without being eyed at nowadays?

Tch. I looked around in annoyance and folded my arms.

I never knew it was illegal to.

I'm guessing you're wondering as to how I managed to get myself into this? Hey, it's not like I had a choice okay? I have just a little bit of a warning and advice to all the married men out there. 

**Always** do whatever your PMS suffering wife tells you to do. **Never** make her angry. If there is a chance for you to escape, don't hesitate one bit just take it.

You know, if I'd ever listened to my own advice, I wouldn't be in this situation right now. 

I muttered cursingly under my breath, as I glared at the various packets of pads before me. 

Eriol no baka.

The scoreboard so far:

Eriol's Dignity: -5 Tomoyo's PMS: 135

Anyway, here's exactly how this nightmare started in the first place.

*

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!" A piercing womanly scream was heard from upstairs, almost shaking the whole mansion in the whole process.

I turned around as sheer panic overcame me. With a spatula that I was using to cook the pancakes in hand, I called out to her, hesitant at first.

"Anata...?"

Silence was all that answered me. My fear heightened.

"Tomoyo?"

No response came from upstairs.

Taking off my apron, but still holding the spatula, I hurriedly ran up the grand marble steps and headed towards our room. As soon as I reached the door, I clasped a hand around the door handle and pushed it to open. 

It never opened.

It was locked.

I could have sworn that I began hearing the fast beatings of my heart. My breathing quickened as the thought of Tomoyo of being hurt came to mind. Stepping back, I decided to ram the door down.

Okay, on 3.

1...

2...

3!

I began charging towards the door at top speed. If I had actually noticed what was happening, I would have seen the bedroom door slightly being pushed from the other side.

And before I knew it...

BAM!

My entire body was flung backwards on impact, as the force of the door completely opening and me ramming into it collided.

I began seeing stars, my voice proving just what damage was done to me. A blurry Tomoyo stood by the door.

"An...er...an...anata? Whi...wha... why did you loo...lock the door? Are y-you okay?" 

My eyes were swiveling in circles, as I began rubbing my backside in pain.

I came back to my senses as soon as I heard sniffling.

Tomoyo was now on the ground holding her face in her hands. 

"Anata?" From where I was positioned, I began crawling towards her. Then held her in a comforting embrace, lulling her to calm down.

"Tomoyo, tell me, what's wrong?" I whispered in her ear.

"Oh Eriol!" She wrapped her arms around me, and nuzzled her face into my shoulder. "I-It's s-so h-horrible!"

Odd. I've never seen her like this.

"What is?" I asked in concern.

She released my neck and suddenly clasped her hands around mine, looking up to me. And gave me a puppy eyed looked, pouting for extra effect.

I began fearing for my life.

"Oh anata..." she began almost slyly. "You, you would do anything I ask you to, right?" Her eyes became teary. "Right?"

I could feel sweat run down my face. "Depends what you're asking me to do."

A spark of fire could be seen through her eyes, but quickly dispersed.

"Just say that you would." She said sweetly, too sweet if you ask me.

"I-I w-would." I stuttered nervously.

Little did I know, I was going to regret it.

"Wouldyoubeadearandbuymeapacketofpadsfromthecornershopiminnostatetogo." Her cheeks flushed from having to speak so fast.

The only thing I heard was something that sounded like: Would you be a dear and buy me a packet of lads from the porn shop. I'm in no state to go?

What on earth was that supposed to mean? [a/n: Confused? Don't worry, even I'm not sure what I'm going on about -_-;]

Probably noticing my confused state, she began more slowly, releasing my hands.

"Would you be a dear and buy me a packet of pads from the corner shop? I'm in no state to go." Her nightgown was now creased from her nervous wrenching hands. Her face tinted pink from embarrassment as she looked down.

Pads?

"Me?" I pointed incredulously at myself.

She glared dangerously up at me.

"Yes you." A slender finger poked my chest.

My eyes widened. "B-but... no! I-I can't!"

Now I was pretty sure that I saw fire burning in her eyes. And I could have sworn I began seeing steam come out of her ears.

I attempted to jump away from her, but to my unfortunate luck, she was much too fast for me and grabbed onto the collar of my blue pyjama top. Apparently, she was also too strong, as she managed to haul me so close to her that our noses were almost touching. Her intense glare bore into me, her grip on the collar tightened, almost choking the life out of me.

"You have no choice in this matter."

And the next thing I knew, the front door was slammed at my face. 

*

How I even got to the front door, is still beyond me. 

So here I am now. Standing in an isolated aisle in the local corner store, in the early hours of the morning, arms folded, in my favourite blue pyjamas, and holding a spatula. 

What a nice way to start the day, wouldn't you agree?

And what's worse is that those old ladies down at the end of this aisle are still pointing at me, giving me -that- look.

Scoreboard:

Eriol's Dignity: -140 Tomoyo's PMS: 270

Damn cursed luck.

It can't get any worse than this.

* * *

**Authoress:** well... I did try ^^ I hope you liked it Kyte-Chan! ^^;;;;;; 

To anyone who actually likes it [I doubt it though], I'll give you a one-word clue about the second part of the story. 

**Syaoran** ^^ 

I also just wanted to thank not applicable and Aurora Starcrystal for reviewing my deleted fic, 'Unrequited Love' ! Thank you! T_T I'll re-upload it later when I thoroughly go through it again, and maybe make it less... depressing ^^;;

Tell me what you thought of it!

[s-i]

07.07.03


	2. Chapter Two: Syaoran

**Sweet-Innocence**

amaya_chan@hotmail.com

escape.to/sweet-innocence

**Me: **Yup, it's me again =D I would just like to thank the people who reviewed the first chapter ^_^ 

But I'm worried that I'll probably scare away everyone with this chapter -_-;;; No really, it will...

**Chapter Two**

* * *

All right. I've come to a conclusion.

Women. Are. Terrifying. 

After being married to one for almost half a year now, I have finally realised this fact. Can I get anymore dense? 

One minute they're latching themselves onto you, the next, you see yourself squarely kicked from behind and out the door.

Women.

Such a mystery is the opposite sex.

Make no mistake; I do love Tomoyo, in fact, still just as crazy about her since the first time I laid my eyes on her. 

I would go buy groceries for her; I would even go buy clothes for her [Hey! I don't mind. The lingerie section sounds nice...], but going out in **this** **state** to buy **pads** for her... that is just a huge blow to not only my dignity, but also my manhood.

Men, this is _not_ very enjoyable. If you are smart, avoid situations such as this at all costs. Take this as advice from one who has had the experience, yes, that would be moi.

But back to the important matters at hand.

What brand does Tomoyo use? 

I'm pretty certain that I've now been standing here for over an hour or two, contemplating over this problem. Adjusting my glasses, I stared up on the shelf at what I had to work with.

Libra...

Kotex...

... or Poise? 

I rubbed my chin in concentration. Such a hard decision, so little time. 

... Well I could always go back to the house and ask her, but tell me, what insane man would want to go and confront his hormonal raging wife? Only this can be described as an act of desperation. 

I've already had one confrontation, and look where it got me. Do you think I'll really be willing to through another? Just thinking about where I would be if I ever did makes me shiver.

Once again, I began my staring contest with each coloured packet for what seemed like hours, but was only several minutes. 

Sighing in frustration, I began to rub my poor rear that was most likely bruised and still in pain from earlier on. 

Who ever knew women had such strength? 

I know as hell that I surely didn't, and I have the bruise to prove it.

Wo-

Small grunting noises suddenly disrupted my thoughts. Averting my gaze, I looked down the aisle to where the sounds came from, the counter near the exit clear as day. A small round man, almost bald, and I'd say around his mid 50s who sitting behind the counter, was looking at me strangely. 

I presume he must be the storeowner.

... Not good Eriol, not good. 

Hurriedly, I began moving down further down into the aisle, since the pad section had been closer to the counter. 

Finally away from the man's view, I breathed a sigh of relief. 

I can't really blame everyone for thinking I'm some mad man though. Mind you, it won't be anytime soon until they really ship me off to the mental ward. I just had to grimace as the image of me in a straight jacket come to mind, struggling and yelling profanities like there was no tomorrow as men in white hold me down.

I shuddered.

_Not_ a very pretty picture.

Looking up at the store rack in front of me, a small shining glint suddenly caught my eye. Stepping closer, I reached out and pulled the soft and round, beige jelly-like object out of the box with the protection film that had been opened.

I stared at it oddly as I held it in my hands. 

What in Kami's name is this supposed to be? 

Fascinated, I began poking and stretching it in wonder.

"Need help with anything there sonny?" An old raspy voice breathed against my ear.

"Aaaahhh!" I screamed, almost throwing the rubbery object into the air and turned around abruptly, only to meet with the wrinkled face of the old storeowner. 

His face just a centimetre or two away from mine, as I stared into his eyes in fear. His white nostril hairs being so long, that it was sticking out of his nose and moved every time the man breathed. 

I must have been gaping like a fish and staring at him because he cleared his throat uncomfortably and asked again.

"I said, do you need any help with anything sonny?" His raspy voice sounded almost irritated.

His face now slowly advanced towards mine, he was just a nostril hair away as he decided to take another step closer, probably wondering if I was all right. 

I took a step back, almost tripping over my pant leg still in shock. Wasn't he over at the counter just a moment ago??

"Uh..." I was at loss for words. Think man, think.

"No no no," I began to laugh nervously as I began fumbling with the stretchy object still in one hand that was hidden behind my back, the other hand waving about in front of me.

"I-I'm fine! See?" And I forcefully gave him the biggest smile I could muster.

The old man took a step back and looked at me with an expression that clearly said: The guy's insane; better bring out the shotgun just in case.

"... Okay." He said hesitantly, but soon walked down the aisle and back to the counter, eyeing me all the way.

I let go of the breath that I had no idea how long I was holding in for. Sweat had already begun forming across my forehead. Using the hand behind my back, I was about to rub off the sticky substance, when I realised that I was still holding the stretchy jelly I had found earlier. 

Really, what was it?

Forgetting the ordeal that happened just a few moments ago, I walked back to where I had found the fascinating object. Pulling out the remains of a small pink and tattered rectangular box, I found another one inside. 

But what shocked me was what it said in large bold red letters at the top of the box.

_Specially made plastic breasts: Big is beautiful._

I could tell that my pupils had now become dilated as I looked down to the tight hold of my hand around the breast. 

Well I'll be damned.

I held it in front of my face, and finally took note at how it was slightly curved outwards, round, soft, and very smooth. Almost like a breast. 

And it was one.

I looked around to see if anyone was looking, then held it against my chest, the bulging side facing outwards. Like women with theirs, only this was plastic not real. I might as well have fun while I'm here anyway, there's no rush in going back so soon. ** No** rush at all.

Sometimes it makes me wonder...

... What would it feel like to be a woman? I mean with me being a man and all, I want to know.

Women always have it the easy way. They can even easily get men wrapped around their little fingers and tell them what to do... like going out and buy pads for them.

Turning around in search of a mirror, I bumped into something that felt as if I just ran into a brick wall, almost making me fall backwards. Looking up however, was proven to be a mistake, and was going to be the biggest regret I will never live down.

My eyes met into amused amber.

"Ohayo Hiiragizawa."

Well, there goes the last of the very little dignity I had left.

* * *

**S-I:** Eh heh *scratches head nervously* I'm hoping I haven't scared anyone with my craziness just yet. 

* If no one likes it, I'll re-do it again at a later time when the last of my assignments is due -_-;; *

Today was actually my birthday too, so be a dear and review for me ^____^;; 

I don't mind good or bad comments about it.

The bit where Eriol was holding it against his chest and with him a woman... um... I can't really explain why I even decided to put that there. Guess it was a moment thing lolz ^__^' 

And you'll most likely never find a pair of specially made plastic breasts in a corner store, but I just put it in there for the fun of it. Heh heh. I'm also not sure if those kind of breasts are actually made out of plastic... silicon maybe? I know nothing about them -_-;;

Before I go, I just wanted to thank the following reviewers: **ERi, KyteAura, BOnBOnCaTz, Kagome, hikagi, White-hair Dogears, Ghost, ****not applicable, purple azures, Yami Ryu Hiiragizawa, noodle, Dana Daidouji, dark angel, Aurora Starcrystal, Tomoyo4ever, PhoniexFeather, Julia Sumner, Psycho-kugurl, Fire Youkai, kimpster wit da pimpster, and Seph Lorraine!**

But I just wanted to answer a few of them:

**ERi-** It's true ^^ The story is very different ne?

**KyteAura- **^____^ I'm extremely glad that you liked it! XD I was sort of nervous wondering what you thought of it... since it's not really much of a birthday fic... 

**Ghost- **You know come to think of it, I really haven't seen a ficcy like this in the CCS section o.O I guess it was about time someone did put one up [*raises a hand* yup, that would be me. Ohohohoho!]

**purple azures-** Lolz. Uh... it was actually Eriol buying them pads for Tomoyo, not Syaoran. But I'm glad you liked it anyway! ^.~ I went into that site you gave me [I haven't seen the Tsubasa RESERvoir Chronicles yet] and it wouldn't load T_T Is there another place where I can dl them from? I wanna see...

**Dana Daidouji-** LoL. You're right, it's not =D

**Aurora Starcrystal- **I'm glad to be the one that cheered you up! ^.~

**kimpster wit da pimpster-** *blushes* Thank you!

**Seph Lorraine-** Lolz. I had actually thought of removing that line, thought I would scare people off with it ^^;;;

**And to everyone that I did not answer back to, thank you for your lovely and encouraging reviews! =D It really means a lot to me!!**

27th July 2003


End file.
